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BDSM

BDSM brings together games of restraint, control, sensation and impact, and here is the kit to try it as a couple: cuffs, blindfolds, gags, whips, collars and clamps. To start, choose something soft that releases instantly, such as Velcro cuffs, and build up the intensity bit by bit.

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What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism, but you don't need to do all of it to enjoy it. Most couples start with gentle power play: a blindfold, fabric cuffs, a “you're in charge tonight”. This is one of the most complete sections in the shop and it is sorted by product type, in ten families. The biggest is cuffs and wrist restraints, with more than twice as many models as any other; next come whips and paddles, blindfolds and eye masks, and collars and leashes, and the smallest are swings, electro-stimulation and chastity cages. If you would rather go by level of intensity, use the experience guide below. If you are looking for cards or dares, they are in sex games.

Types of BDSM products

Each family has its own section:

BDSM by level of experience

For beginners: satin blindfolds (taking away sight amplifies touch), Velcro cuffs, which open instantly, feathers for gentle stimulation and dice to let chance decide who is in charge. At an intermediate level: silicone gags, flexible leather whips, ties for restraining and BDSM massage candles. For those with experience: swings, electro-stimulation, bondage systems with anchor points, cages and spreader bars.

Among the leading brands are Fetish Fantasy, the most complete in accessories; Fifty Shades of Grey, high-end with carefully considered presentation; and Bondage Boutique and Ouch, with good value for money.

What the research says

In a representative sample of 1,027 people in Belgium, 46.8% had taken part in some BDSM activity and another 22% had had fantasies about it (Holvoet et al., 2017, J Sex Med). In Australia, in a representative sample of 19,307 people, those who had taken part in BDSM were no more likely than others to have experienced sexual coercion or to feel unhappy or anxious (Richters et al., 2008, J Sex Med). And in an anonymous survey of 470 people in the UK with interests such as BDSM, relationship satisfaction was associated with sharing them with a partner (Brown et al., 2026, J Sex Res).

Safety and care

Before you start, talk about what you each want and don't want, and agree a safe word. With restraints, you should be able to fit one finger between the restraint and the skin. Release straight away if hands go numb or change colour, never leave the tied person alone and keep a quick way to free them to hand (the key, if there is a padlock). Never tie or squeeze anything around the neck: a collar is worn loose and never pulled hard. Use electro-stimulation only with devices made for it and away from the chest. Leather is cleaned with a damp cloth and left to air dry; silicone and metal with warm water and mild soap.

How to choose

  • Material: leather, silicone, metal, nylon or polyester; if you have sensitive skin, look for padded or fabric lining.
  • Fastening: Velcro and buckles release quickly; metal fastenings and padlocks are better once you have some practice.
  • Size: on cuffs and collars, the product details give the adjustable circumference; check it first with a tape measure.
  • Intensity: on clamps, whips and paddles, look for adjustable pressure or flexible materials so you can start gently.
  • Water: on anything with a motor or battery, such as vibrating butt plugs or electro-stimulation, “fully waterproof (submersible)” can go under the tap; “splashproof” only copes with a little wetness.

Frequently asked questions

Is it safe to try BDSM?

Yes, if it is consensual (both people want it), communicated (you talk before, during and after) and reversible (you can stop at any time with a safe word). Without those three things, it is abuse.

What is a safe word?

A word agreed beforehand that stops everything straight away when said, and that you would never say during sex. The most common is “traffic light”: yellow to ease off, red to stop.

What if one of you is wearing a gag?

Swap the word for a physical signal, such as dropping an object you are holding.

Where do you start with BDSM as a couple?

With a blindfold and fabric cuffs. Take away your partner's sight and run different textures over their body: ice, a feather, silk, your breath. You need no previous experience or expensive kit.

What comes in a starter BDSM kit?

A basic kit usually has 5 to 7 pieces: blindfold, cuffs, feather, dice and candle. Swings and electro-stimulation are for later.

Cuffs or rope for bondage?

Cuffs, if you are starting out: they go on and come off in a moment. Rope requires knowing how to tie knots that release quickly.

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